So recently God did a miraculous healing of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis in me but that's really long and on Facebook so I'll share a guy/relationship testimony which we all love to hear about, right?
Soooo....there was this guy, and he was kinda cute but really sweet at first and still kinda is. But anyways he and I became really good friends really quickly. He and I soon began exchanging phrases such "I miss you," "I can't wait to see you," and "I never want to lose you." It came to the point where I realized I loved him. We texted each other and spent time together constantly. We soon mutually decided that we weren't ready for a relationship even though a lot of people thought we were already in one. We were both still emotionally attached and our feelings grew, or so I though. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to tell him how I felt. I sent a risky text saying, "I .... you, soldier." I was so scared. I was scared he didn't feel the same way about me. To my surprise he later responded with, "I know, I .... you, too." We were speeding towards each other. He continued to remind me 'we' weren't ready for a relationship, that we were just best friends, for now, that we would wait for each other. Though we continued to tell each other how we missed one another, etc. I began to realize that I was addicted to him. The whole time I'd known him, I'd been praying for wisdom however it didn't seem like I had gotten any. (Yes, I know 'gotten' isn't a real word.)
One night I went to the Awaken Conference with my best friend, Briel; unexpectant that God was going to do anything. I thought my life was fine the way it was. Honestly, I thought life was great! I loved having this boy love me. I had it all now. A BFF (Briel), a savior, a boy, a loving family, an awesome youth group, a working car, and a decent school. At the conference, I realized I was at a stand still with God, everything was perfect. I didn't have a desire for God, because I already had him. He was just always there.
I didn't want to let go of this guy though. Now I had realized the problem but I didn't want to do what I knew I had probably had to do. At this point I was in a Student Leadership program at my church that specifically said we were to fast all current and not to pursue any relationships of that sort, so I knew I couldn't date him anyway. It was horrible! I knew nothing would happen, but I desired with ALL my heart that something WOULD happen. After much persistence by God, I finally relented that night. I realized how important God was to me, how important eternity was. I decided to choose God as my top priority. This boy hadn't died for my salvation (though at the time he would've told me he would if he could.) I finally reluctantly told God this situation was in his hands and that he could do what he wanted.
Now here's the thing, when you say something like that to God, he might just take you seriously, and man, did he ever now.
In fact, within just a few hours.
I was on my way home when I got a text from Marea (my other BFF) that this boy had posted on Facebook that he was in a relationship. Marea and I were both rightfully (is that a word?) confused. I didn't tell her that though. At first I had hoped that he had asked me to be his girlfriend over Facebook. I know, dumb assumption. Who does that? Well, in this case, not him. Next, I thought he said he was in a relationship because he was in one with Jesus like all the young christian hipsters say.
So I texted him. I simply asked if I could call him when I got home. I didn't ask him at all about the Facebook thing via text. You should also probably know it was 11:30 at night when I asked him, so it was a slim chance anyway to talk to him that night, but what's wrong with asking right? He asked me if I meant right now and I said once I got to my house.
Now I don't really have a great memory of what happened but I'm gonna try my best to tell ya as accurately as I can.
So I got in my house, snuck the house phone to my room, and proceeded to call him. I don't know why, but I started shaking really badly once I started dialing. He picked up.
(ooh highliter!!!!)
Him: Hey, What's up?
Me: I was just wondering if it was true. Marea told me about it, but I want to hear it from you. So is it true?
Him: Yeah it is. Bethany, I told you I wasn't wanting a relationship. I just want to be good friends. Can we still be friends? Are you ok?
Me: Yeah, of course. And yeah, I'm ok. I just wanted to know.
Him: Are you sure? You don't sound ok...
Me: Well it doesn't matter if I'm ok or not--
Him: Bethany! Yes it does! It matters to me.
Me: Ok, well, oh well.
Him: [sigh]...Bethany...
Me: Look, it honestly doesn't matter how I am. Are you ok? You're talking really strange.
Him: Yeah I'm fine, I'm just trying to not wake anyone up.
Me: Ok. Well, I should probable go to bed soon.
Him: Ok, but could you do something for me?
Me: Yeah, sure, what?
Him: Pray for me? I've been getting a lot of hate email from this.
Me: Yeah of course.
Him: Ok thanks.
Me: Well, good night, sleep well.
Him: Good night Bethany. Sleep well.
Me: Bye.
Him: Bye
Then I waited for him to hang up. I listened to hear him hang up first, which he did.
I sat there for a second, in complete shock.
I then immediately called my current small group leader, Megan Lowe, but she didn't answer. So I called Beth Petillo, another youth leader. We talked for an hour. It kinda helped. I had to tell her everything since I met him, which was really hard. I was reliving what happened over the past four months in 20 minutes. It was good though. She prayed for me and then said she had to go. (I now realize it was her anniversary night. So I do feel kinda bad.) I again just sat there in shock. I decided I probably should hang up the phone now. So I began my trek to the kitchen. Upon standing however I almost collapsed to the floor. It was a like a freight train had hit me. My feet hurt so bad. My legs were jell-o. (Yes, I know, cliche, but it's true). I shook like I was having a seizure I was that much in shock. I finally regained my balance and composure, temporarily. I stumbled back up to me room. It was nearly 1am now. I was so dumbfounded. I just sat there for 10 minutes. Just staring at my wall, no thought in my head.
I decided to go on Facebook (THAT RIGHT THERE WAS ONE OF THE MOST STUPID THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE.) There I saw the dreaded post Marea had told me about. This destroyed me. I then got a notification that Megan Lowe had posted in my wall telling me to try again. So I fumbled downstairs for the phone.We also talked for an hour and she prayed for me. We then hung up and I decided that this was all in God's hands again. I guess the whole thing hadn't sunk in yet. I didn't even cry that night when I was alone. I think I was in so much shock.
The next day I woke up early for the second day of the conference. About half way through the day it hit me. I was hurting so bad. How could he have betrayed me? How could he have lied to me? This boy who I had trusted with all my heart, was the first one to have successfully broken it.
At the end of the conference, the closing message was about being God's chosen warrior princess. We may go through struggles but we have to keep fighting and NOT let the enemy win. He can not have the victory, it's just not possible. Sorry. So at the end, the speaker asked us to come forward and rejoin God's army, and pick up our swords and fight.
Now this whole thing sounds so much easier and cheesier in words, but at the speed everything was happening, I'm surprised I didn't pass out from the amount of emotions pumping through me. This sounds like a Christian fairytale, yes I know. It sounds to good to be. Everything seemed like a daze to me those days. This did happen though, and honestly it was not fun.
It was not easy to go forward but for some reason I did, which is why I'm here today. I chose to keep fighting, which a lot of people especially myself will never understand. But I chose to keep fighting, and me telling you this story is a way of fighting. This testimony will effect you somehow. I know. See it as me recruiting the troops. Encouraging them. I want you guys to keep fighting no matter how hard it gets, and believe me its hard to keep fighting. But eventually you realize what you're feeling may hurt but it doesn't matter. I think sometimes we feel certain emotions so that we'll get distracted. We feel hurt because somehow we were wronged. Someone hurt US. But once you stop caring about yourself and start thinking about the rest of eternity, that hurt and pain and rejection you feel or felt will slowly fade. It won't matter because it won't last. In heaven, it is said that there will be no sickness, pain, suffering, or worry. Everything will be perfect.
So whatever you are facing, God will help you through it if you'll just let him. It may not end today though, that's not what I'm saying. You are going through this for a reason and you may not see that reason yet, but when you do whether it be here on earth or when you finally go to heaven you will be amazed at how your puzzle piece fit into this giant puzzle perfectly. I can promise that God will do nothing to harm you. He will bring beauty from ashes sometime in your life. You will make it through this struggle. He can always see the way this will end even though you can't. You are not in this alone. You will never be alone. He is always with you.
